As it should be, so it shall be. Inside myself I am whole, where I am not broken. I am lonely in a great big crowd, but never alone when I am here. Do you feel the radio waves frying our brains? Or is that just those pickles I ate.? Let’s go with the pickles, the other is too tough to contemplate.
Things will seem to go OK, when suddenly they’ll stop,
. Face in the dirt, there I lay-then poof! I am up top.
. This brain of mine, this machine, that whirrs inside my head,
. Makes the bells and whistles ding even when I lay in bed.
. I need relief, some way, some how, to quiet racing thoughts,
Instead they throw some pills at me to make me who I’m not.
I always knew I would wind up alone,
. Now that it happened, now that I’ve grown…
. It’s the worst pain I’ve ever known.
. Can you see me going mad in here?
. Can you hear me? Can you, Dear?
. There’s a slim chance, if you hurry,
. That all the scary things will scurry,
. That the sky will clear, the rain will stop-
. And once again I’ll be on top.
Oh, the fun of a downward spiral…After a week or two of just mind blowing energy and creativity, comes the inevitable crash. This time it was about a week of doldrums, pain, negativity and actual physical illness, all of which I attribute to this illness called Bipolar Disorder.
The worst part of a depressive episode, besides dishes and dirty laundry accumulating , and unmade beds and unmopped floors, is this: Lack of Creativity . It cripples me. Makes me agonize about my ability, question my work, my path, my life course. I think of a million different ways I am a failure, and I become totally immobilized, sucked into my squishy pillow, and held captive by doubt. Even though I know what is happening , and know my thoughts are tangled for a time, I am still unable to make a move.
I can best liken it to being held hostage, until the cycle passes.
So-here I am today, a new day, a new cycle! We are on the upswing, baby!! Hold on tight, cause I am an artist extraordinaire, a churning swirling dervish holding 10 brushes in one hand while I work on 5 canvases at one time !!!WOO HOO!!!
All in All, I’m just too hot to handle right now, and I’m painting like a human tornado!!! Ok, maybe just a little dust devil, but you get the idea!!! Let it Fly, say I!!!!wheeeee!
Out of the Gutter Art 
You must be logged in to post a comment.