I have a problem. I really don’t know what to call it this time. In the past, it’s been depression, a low spell, the opposite of a manic episode. And usually, every other time, it has passed. A new day will dawn, and things will be different.

   Well, I’m waiting…and waiting…and STILL waiting.

  The light doesn’t seem to be coming, this time. My thinking is so messed up, trying to convince myself to get out of bed is a RAGING battle. A back and forth conversation with a brick wall. All forth, no back…

  I’ve been a diagnosed  Bipolar Person for many years now. Lots of therapy, self research and learning about my condition. Taking responsibility…taking my meds and doing the next right thing.

   But I have not come up against this darkness in a very, very long time. What is it I am fighting? This lethargy seems medical at times; weak and dizzy, I blame recent surgery or past trauma. In reality, its probably because I don’t want to eat. Or clean. Or cook. Or go outside.

   I see the sun shining, feel the winter Florida sun and know its blissfully mild. Still I pull the covers up. One thing I do do: scroll. Doom scroll. News, news, bad, awful news. Murder cases, awful documentaries about war, torture, trauma.

  I try to turn it off…but I pick it back up. I try to read my Bible, instead I watch shorts of Dracula. And while the Caleb Jones guy is captivating, my mind turns into pea soup.

But now I’m chained to MISERY!!

I AM NOT GOING DOWN LIKE THIS!!!

   I have asked my God for help, because I’m getting nowhere on my own. I found the wherewithal to stand up and walk to the kitchen…now I will dress and cook and open all the windows. I will publish this and put on some music and dance. There is some kind of REAL benefit in putting THE THING in writing.

   Out in the light, where I can see it, and fight it.

   So, for now, I bid you ‘Good Day!!!’