I am an Artist, Poet and Author. I am so much more than this: I feel like a tiny seed that sprouted in a desert, and now has grown into a Passion Vine. My Art is my Voice, Screaming, Crying, Praying, Loving, Laughing, Healing- all in Riotous Color…
Oh boy, I’m very excited. You know I go thru the highest of highs, then crash to the ground? Well, this time I’m doing something good for my future as a fine artist…I’ve been accepted to study classical art under a great Artist: Eduardo Salazar!! I am over the moon! I know it will take years of dedicated study, but I will soar to new heights.,.All the beautiful images in my head will have new ways to be rendered in my hands, with my new skills, new ways of seeing.
I dreamed, ALL MY LIFE, to study under a great Artist…now , finally, this dream is reality. I hope you will come along on this incredible journey,!
¡TRIGGER WARNING! This post deals with domestic violence, physical assault and ptsd flashbacks. Please use discretion!
Ah, dear husband of mine. How you never leave me. I can remember your last punch like it was yesterday. Dear previous boyfriend; thanks so much for hitting me in the face so hard that you broke the hard contact lenses in both of my eyes. Oh, and for the chipped front tooth.
Dear Ex-Fiance, the lovely memories of you stalking me never leave. I can still hear your trucks engine idling outside my bedroom window at 4 in the morning. A few weeks later you murdered your Dad, and yourself…
And dear Husband of mine, how often I still hear your calling me “Stupid Bitch”, and can still feel your knee across my neck as my vision faded to black. I was sure I was dead, and I was glad. I would never again have to see the evil hatred in your eyes… But no, I wasn’t dead, I had six more years to live with you, memories of being stabbed, shot at and beaten unconscious. Oh, the memories…
But I’m still here, after all this time. I’m alive, and my abusers are not. Maybe some still live, but I am free, and I am strong and I am beautiful.
My God saved me from all of them.
So, when the flashbacks come, and come they do…I know to hold on. Hold on tight to my faith. Hold on tight to what I know is real, and turn off the sights and sounds that rise up to try to torment me.
My God loves me, and has put my feet on level ground. He has given me the priceless gift of a clean conscience, washed clean with the forgiveness purchased thru the life blood of his perfect Son. I am free of the chains of addiction, of abuse, and of my own self-loathing. I am grateful. And free. Today was a hard day, in that the flashbacks came out to play. For whatever reason I was triggered , for a while. But this day is over, successfully lived. I can rest me weary eyes and start fresh tomorrow…
Head in the Clouds c. SusanTMartin2023
I thank God for relieving me of the abusers, the abuse, the sickness of thinking I deserved the terrible mistreatment I endured.
It is a good feeling to care about myself…
It has been a long road, including years of therapy and hard work.
I hope I can help others find the courage to heal.
So to jump from that certainty to the current doubtful oldness was , indeed, shocking. How had this vast expanse been so neatly, so quickly and quietly traversed. I leapt straight from the beauty of youth into the straight-jacket of a coffin. Maybe the world still wanted Mick and Johnny; it would not want some old unknown woman.
Why did I WANT the world to want me? Perhaps Cheap Trick knew the answer all these decades on, “I want you to want ME”
“I want you to want me. I need you to need me. I’d love you to love me, I’m begging you to beg me…
This beautiful recycled metal sculpture is available now! It’s in the “Shades of Blue” show in Five Deuces Galleria, which is off of 22nd Street South in the Warehouse Arts District, Downtown St Petersburg. Great Gallery, Great Art, Great Show! And the owners, Geoffrey Barris and Julie Huara are the best Gallery owners. Fine Artists themselves, I am proud to call them my friends, my very talented and famous friends!
I hope you can see this show. The local artists here in St Pete are out-of-this-world talented.
Imagine what it is like, thoughts racing by too fast to jump on board. Too fast to figure out if it is a good idea or not. Hanging on for dear life, not enjoying the ride anymore.
When I get the Brain Zoomies, I get scared. It never seems to end well. And I’m zooming now. Too much to do, too little time…my answer? Surf on the internet. Then get stressed and work in a mad frenzy. Modus operandi…
I’ve been blogging here for years. Fancying myself a regular superstar. But actually I’m not super, I am just Sue, and a regular Sue at that!
You see, its an odd thing, Bipolar Disorder is. It lies. It tells me I’m so much more important than I really am. Makes me think the world should turn on my command. And this farce is perpetrated without mind-altering chemicals! Inevitably I come to find out that I’m not the be-all and end-all…and pffft…all the air right out of the balloon. Well, whadayaknow. Surprise, surprise.
Wakey, Wakey!! You are not going to be world famous, Sue. You’re a 60 year old wannabe hippy who was born ten years too late… and your 23 year drug using career kind of put a blip in your wealth management portfolio! Just sayin’…
Well, anyway, I’ve got my art in 2 Venues here in St. Petersburg this month. At the world famous Five Deuces Galleria, which truly is the best gallery in St. Pete…and simultaneously in the Art at 400 on 23rd Street South, in their show, Metamorphosis. Its the first time their group invited artists in, so I’m happy to be included.
And my dear friends at The Ryan Licht Sang Bipolar Foundation have our Insights VI exhibition at the FSU campus this month for the first time!!!
So, Sue, for a late starter you have many, many reasons to be grateful. And after writing this I do feel kind of special, kind of cool… Rock on…
So many projects to finish and list! It is truly awesome to have made it so far in my Art Journey, but I really must get these pieces on the market! My house is FULL!
Out of the Gutter Art 
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