I have finally begun to create again. I was locked in some inner dilemma for quite a while, but then had an epiphany: I must make a move, pick up a pen or a brush. Dab a color on a wall. Move a muscle, change a thought!
So work has started to pour out of me again, and I am pushing to improve. Take myself to new heights . Hopefully in balanced way, but that’s hard with Bipolar Disorder.
I’m flying up to Chicago soon, to go to INSIGHTS VI, the annual exhibition of Art by Bipolar Artists. This is the 5th consecutive win for me, having 5 works in The Ryan Licht Sang Bipolar Foundation’s permanent collection now. I am very grateful and look forward to the trip! I will keep you posted!
I won’t bore you with the mundane. Instead I will show you ART. My Beautiful ART. I am having a lightning bolt of creative energy, it would be nice to bottle this electricity. Whatever my brain does when my Bipolar Creativity kicks in is like a superpower.
Like an Artist before me has already written about and created a movie entitled, ” Touched with Fire”, he stated truth. That is what it feels like. His name is Paul, and I highly recommend the film if you want to understand Bipolar Disorder more fully
The Ryan Licht Sang Bipolar Foundation has awarded my another grant this year for my work, “Head in the Clouds”. The Call was to create a work that communicated what it feels like to be Bipolar. This is a hugely meaningful event for me, I have grown to love Dusty and Joyce Sang and their family; they founded The Ryan Licht Sang Bipolar Foundation in honor of their son who died as a direct result of having this deadly illness. Please do yourself a kindness and visit the Foundation website, read about all the exciting advancements in Science and the Quest for The Test; the research they fund to find a Biomarker for this disease so kids can be diagnosed before the hellish symptoms begin.
I’m so pleased to have my work chosen, this is the 5th year in a row I have received this Grant and will be my 5th work in their Permanent Collection. Oh my…
I wish my Mom and Dad were alive, Mom especially, since she always believed in me and my talent. Daddy had issues, which I understand in retrospect, so I no longer blame him for not paying for me to go to Art School. I made choices that led me down a long and winding road, but I’m here now, clean and sober 24 years and truly happy, all thanks to my God.
I am loving the piece I’m working on now, it’s a whole story if prophecy and future. Boom. It is going to cause quite a stir at The Morean Arts Center Members Show.
. I have had a bit of a setback, lost momentum for a bit. I let myself get frightened and I backed off from my new business endeavor…
. But I am gathering up my courage, and the funds I lost thru my ignorance of Web Hosting companies. It is a minor setback. Pictured above is a new and exciting Jello Mold Art piece I am working on. I’m loving it, incorporating my love of Renaissance art and little whimsical animals, all on one of my recycled vintage copper molds.
. My creativity is flowing. I’ll be on top again soon!
I have made another financial blunder , it seems. I make them frequently, so Im not surprised. Just like I am not surprised that I locked my keys in my car this afternoon while parked under a huge Osprey Nest. So, right when I shut the door I heard “SPLAT” !!! I could not comprehend what was happening for a minute… I looked at all the white splatters running down the side of my car and wondered where all that paint had come from… Was I the victim of road rage? I looked at the white splatters on the pavement as I turned in a perplexed circle, dazed. I kept tugging on my locked door handles while peering thru the splattered window at my keys sitting in the center console…Right next to the phone I would need to call for help. Sigh…
When I heard the loud bird laughter overhead I came out of my stupor. Thank goodness the supermarket let me call my old auntie who in turn let me use her AAA roadside assistance. I waited just a matter of minutes for the locksmith to pull up and I showed him where My car was. I could not figure out why he was laughing so hard, until he told me he had been there just an hour earlier to unlock a guys car…IN THE SAME PARKING SPOT!!!
I felt SO MUCH BETTER!
So, now I’m tired. I will come back tomorrow and tell you about NOT setting up my new art store, and losing over 100 dollars simultaneously… You will enjoy that comedy of errors as well!!!
I’ve had a presence here for a long time. Going on 16 years, which is mind-blowing! And I still havent learnd all I can do here! I wanted, for a long time now, to set up a store where I could sell my art. Something always holds me back… Excuses, lack of confidence…life in general.
I recieved a scholarship for a 10 week “Art Business” course from the Tampa Bay Innovation Center and Creative Pinellas. I have learned so much, and have taken the plunge and registered a LLC. Oh boy. Exciting! and Terrifying! I will have to be all grown up now, and quit farting around!!
So I am starting a whole new site, with a new domain, user name, everything…I will try to still post my “hardcore” art here, all the strange stuff that pours out of me onto whatever media is at hand!
But for my “real” Art Business I am going to make what sells here in Beachy, Touristy Florida. Hopefully I will make it. I will sure try!
I’ll come back here and let Y’all know when the other site is ready, and I will still share my witty wisdom here. Thank you all so much for being here to support me, to listen when I need an outlet, and to be here! Rock On my Friends!!
The results are in, and I didn’t make the cut again this year. It’s ok, though, surprisingly. I don’t feel my cheeks burning with shame; that subsided a few minutes ago… Last year I really took it hard, and hid under the covers for a day, feeling utterly cast aside and trampled on. Today my chin didn’t even quiver!
I suddenly have an overwhelming urge to consume a large quantity of chocolate. Or ice cream… Or CHOCOLATE ICE CREAM!!!
it’s always here- even before I open my eyes. Reverberating. Agonizing in it, I try to back away from it, back into my dreams. It is futile. The reality encroaches, angry at being left waiting.
. My eyes reluctantly open, brows already furrowed. I will certainly have that deep furrow between my eyes soon, like Mother had. I probably have it already, just cant see well enough with these old glasses to notice it.
KODAK Digital Still Camera
It is time to arise, fight to my feet, let the outside air in, feed my little animal friends. a day awaits, full of promise, if only I look past the physical realm, into the spiritual. This is a choice, a new choice I will make every day from now on, as long as I am able to open my eyes. will I succeed every day? No, I’m sure I won’t. But I can decide, at any point in my wakeful state, to turn to my Higher Power and ask for help.
I can remember when Sobriety was new to me, and being without drugs or drink felt like walking with nerves on the outside of my skin. The day to day grind seemed impossible, but I made it. For each day of the last 24 years I have made it, one day at a time. I will make it thru this pain , now.
KODAK Digital Still CameraKODAK Digital Still Camera
I have different “visions ” I hold close, no, not some profound spooky kind. I mean real images that I have seen that take me to a calm and happy place inside myself. I had so many horrific experiences foisted upon me in years past that I took these memory “snapshots. One of these is from lying on my back in our Florida backyard, under this HUGE oak tree. Lying there , looking up thru the leaves and branches, to the bluest of blue skies, and the whitest of white clouds sailing past. when I am having a procedure or operation done, I put this vision right in front of my closed eyes, letting it play like a beautiful movie.
There can be no fear or pain then. It cant get in.
Lavender Moon, c.2016STMMoon Halo 2, C. Susan T. Martin
Tonight it was good for me to find this old draft. I started writing it back in 2022, and had left off at the sentence about my furrowed brows. I decided that I can change that narrative, make this post not about pain, but about COPING with it. sometimes all it takes for me to feel better is a teensy shift in vantage point, to where I’m not focused on my reflection, but rather focused on the enormity of this glorious Earth, and the loving Creator who made it for me.
I have new endeavors ahead of me now, an opportunity to start a business, and I am running with the ball this time. There is So much life left to live, love to share and beautiful art to create. Pain is temporary…love is eternal.
Maybe something I have shared has touched you in some way, a good way, I hope. I wish you the very best.
Out of the Gutter Art 
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