A Lifetime, How Long is It?

…I don’t think I could stop me…

What does forever mean? How long is Always?Will I have time? I BETTER GET BUSY!!!

A Short but Powerful Bio!

I go thru cycles. They drive me crazy.

One day, full of confidence, I march around around the Art’s district like a strutting peacock. Well, a lady peacock. That would be a peahen. (But peahens are drab little wenches…) You get the idea, puffed up, prancing around with my nose in the air. Never mind that I’m rapidly approaching the middle of my lifespan, to put it gently! At the time this is happening, man, I am a real smart cookie, top of the heap. An elevated sense of self, one might describe it…

“Party Girl”©STMartin2021

This feeling may stay a few days, a few weeks, a few hours. Or ****pfffft****an instant. In the midst of it I have no sense of “OMG -don’t say that you sound like a fool!” or the milder , “What?!!Have you lost your mind, Susan?”and if I did, I don’t think I could stop me. And if I can’t stop me, nobody can. At least I’m clean today, if that’s any kind of consolation… Come to think of it, that probably makes it worse, not better.

In Plain Sight/ Insane, Right? ©Susan T. Martin”The Party’s Over”

If I had been wasted, that might make my odd behavior more acceptable! What an enigma! Wrapped in a dream. It really is going to be OK, though. I’ve felt the embarrassment of rapid cycling moods before, and will again. It’s part of the strange landscape of my bipolar inner world. Like walking on the Moon on acid. (Not that I would know…)

Nope, Don’t know nothin’ about trippin’…

Author: ST Martin

I am an Artist, Poet and Author. A Survivor of Violent Sexual Abuse and Rape, I have lived thru Severe Domestic Violence, Twenty Three years of Addiction and Alcoholism, Family Dysfunction, Chronic Pain, Dependence on Opioids, and 2 Venomous Snake Bites...I have Been Stabbed, Shot at, Tied to a Tree and Choked Unconscious. A Quarter Horse Rolled on Me, as did a Lawn Tractor. I also Wrecked a Harley into a Tree! I also have PTSD and Rapid Cycling Bipolar Disorder, and spent my 18th birthday in a Locked Psychiatric Ward. I am so much more than this: I feel like a tiny seed that sprouted in a desert, and now has grown into a Passion Vine. My Art is my Voice, Screaming, Crying, Praying, Loving, Laughing, Healing- all in Riotous Color...

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