Where I am in my Art?

“How I do struggle, with all the Angst pushing against the walls of me….”

I am Where? In my Art.

    Over here, Over there, everywhere I am, I am.

   Good ol’ Susie made some art-Where art I? Art I? Oh.

   I have never hired anyone to sit for me. My people who people my canvases are The People who people my mind. Here a people, there a people, every where a peep hole, people.

People . What a funny word, especially when you write it , many times, in the same sentence.

The same sentence.

Oh, what a sentence it will be.

“The Crowd in My Head”.digitally painted paper collage, Susan T. Martin, 2015

How I do struggle, with all the Angst pushing against the walls of me, like a giant Volcano Person.

Do you feel me? How can you? I’m over here and you are Way, Way ……..over there.

This little Ditty is entitled, “The Reckoning”. ©STMartin2011

   I loved my father, my hated father. Oh, how I love him still. He could do no wrong in my eyes. Oh, but how wrong he did. A hater of some, lover of others…my mother? I’m not sure. Sure, they loved. But did they LOVE? 

    I’m sure I did. DID WHAT? loved. Your Father? No! But, yes. But NO , not like that

   I loved him like you love the most beautiful rose-way down in the middle of the thorn bush. So beautiful, so pristine.  20210419_203149SO UNTOUCHABLE, UNREACHABLE, unlovable in his lack of love output. He was so put out, when asked for love. Not as put out as mother, though.cropped-image-4resize-flashback1.jpg

    OH NOOO! Mother was the furthest put out by an outpouring. Oh, no don’t pour it out on HER. Eww, you’re sticky, get your dirty hands OFF… Ew, you are making me HOT! ….Eww, Susan Todd, you are so HUGGY! What makes you so HUGGY?!

  You are JUST LIKE YOUR FATHER. (no, mother!) You are so DIFFERENT from YOUR BROTHER . (but, how mother?)WHERE did you COME FROM? (you, mother?) 

WIN_20170815_11_19_02_Pro
Reaching Out, acrylic on canvas, Work in Progress, Susan T. Martin 2017

Sent from Mail for Windows 10

Did they really LOVE?

Do YOU ? Really , Really ??

“Synapse Miss Fire” ©SusanTMartin2019
” Flashback #937″ (detail)©STMartin2018

Author: ST Martin

I am an Artist, Poet and Author. A Survivor of Violent Sexual Abuse and Rape, I have lived thru Severe Domestic Violence, Twenty Three years of Addiction and Alcoholism, Family Dysfunction, Chronic Pain, Dependence on Opioids, and 2 Venomous Snake Bites...I have Been Stabbed, Shot at, Tied to a Tree and Choked Unconscious. A Quarter Horse Rolled on Me, as did a Lawn Tractor. I also Wrecked a Harley into a Tree! I also have PTSD and Rapid Cycling Bipolar Disorder, and spent my 18th birthday in a Locked Psychiatric Ward. I am so much more than this: I feel like a tiny seed that sprouted in a desert, and now has grown into a Passion Vine. My Art is my Voice, Screaming, Crying, Praying, Loving, Laughing, Healing- all in Riotous Color...

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