Change has come round the bend again…My illness has spit me out of the Doubt Chamber, at least for a time. Yay. Woop Woop. The Bipolar illness, that is…the Excruciating Pain from my other illnesses is ongoing and unending. It is particularly intense today. So my enthusiasm for my self esteem and confidence in my artistic ability returning is a wee bit dampened. Wee bit. Dampened. Squished. (but NOT by the Brahmas, thankfully!)
(Deep intake of breath…deep sigh…) I have been attempting to post some new work and projects for a couple days, and also deeply considering the direction my site will take from now on. Many difficulties with my brain function and memory have plagued me, induced by the severe lack of sleep I experience. In the last 72 hours I have gotten less than 8 hours sleep, and those 8 not in succession. At about 3AM I went round putting knives and hammers away, in the event of my experiencing some kind or break with reality. (not kidding…) As a middle aged, fairly out of shape(!) woman who lives alone in a severely downtrodden area with windows that dont shut, I have tried to become more cautious. Hence the scattering of knives and hammers about the house.
A overly prideful attitude towards my ability as a fighter over my life, and having been into lifting and high-impact aerobics, has left me careless, I must admit. Too much intake of crime documentaries and murderer profiles has caused a big uptick in my worry factor- but I dont want to slip into exessive paranoia, which is easy to do with PTSD, and BPD. So I have been working on improving basic safety around and i my home, setting sensor lights properly and fixing entry points. Good girl Susie….Balance, seeking balance…
As far as my Blog Presence here and on other site, I will take the plunge back into sales of my artwork, being active in keeping up in my creating back stock, advertising it, proper shipping understanding and researching business ownership. one foot in front of the other.
Hopefully I will be back soon to post more positive content!
SUSAN TODD MARTIN 