How Do I Always Get Here…How Do I Leave?

“one project done, the next begun: all clarity-no haze…”

The Waterplant, mixed media on canvas by Susan T. Martin(sold)

The torment of Immobility

Riding a wave, tall as a mountain, I rush headlong thru my day
One project done, the next begun:
All clarity-no haze.

The transition came, I know not when(wound up on my butt again)
I wandered thru today amazed:
No clarity-just dazed.

When does it happen/Why?
I did not cause it/Did I?

Now huddled under an ocean of covers, immobilized for days
Not project done, not even begun
Just futility-today.

Where do I go to/Why?
I do not cause it/Do I?

I rode a wave, tall as a mountain, rushed headlong into here
The vast Empty, the foreboding, feeling death is very near,

The quiet is not tranquil, the peace turns into fear
Will I find the will to struggle, will my vision ever clear?

I would not wish this on an enemy, nor even onto me
This terrible stuckness, it's inevitability 

Knowing it will leave doesn't help it go
The pros say that will, but they don't really know

I will find my meds, somehow take a few
Sleep a dreamless sleep, tomorrow start anew

Hope against all hope, stagnation soon will end
I will be on top to ride that wave again.
Riding my wave, tall as a mountain, I run happily and play
One project done, the next begun:
All clarity-No haze...

Author: ST Martin

I am an Artist, Poet and Author. A Survivor of Violent Sexual Abuse and Rape, I have lived thru Severe Domestic Violence, Twenty Three years of Addiction and Alcoholism, Family Dysfunction, Chronic Pain, Dependence on Opioids, and 2 Venomous Snake Bites...I have Been Stabbed, Shot at, Tied to a Tree and Choked Unconscious. A Quarter Horse Rolled on Me, as did a Lawn Tractor. I also Wrecked a Harley into a Tree! I also have PTSD and Rapid Cycling Bipolar Disorder, and spent my 18th birthday in a Locked Psychiatric Ward. I am so much more than this: I feel like a tiny seed that sprouted in a desert, and now has grown into a Passion Vine. My Art is my Voice, Screaming, Crying, Praying, Loving, Laughing, Healing- all in Riotous Color...

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