Through the Eyes of a SURVIVOR

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I am so pleased to share these images from my Solo Pop-Up Show at the MOREAN ARTS CENTER in Downtown St. Petersburg, Florida. It is showing for the month of April, which is SEXUAL ASSAULT AWARENESS MONTH. The opening reception will be on April 13, 2019 from 5-9pm.

As a survivor of childhood sexual abuse, and of sexual assault as a teenager and an adult, I still have PTSD and flashbacks at times. Due to this abuse and its effect on my psyche, I was placed a locked psyche ward as a 17 year old where I was first introduced to art therapy. I was already very talented, and I found that expressing my anger, guilt and shame on canvas was hugely satisfying and healing.

Now, at the age of 55 I am being honored with a SOLO exhibition. I never quit painting my emotional and autobiographic art, and although I never showed my art until 5 years ago, I have had wonderful response to my colorful, detailed works. I am very pleased that people identify, and I do hope that some young person who sees my work can break out of the grip of disabling memories and receive the love and understanding they need to heal.

Unfortunately for me, I did not have listening ears or unconditional love from family, my support network consisted of my cat and my journal, my art and hard drugs, sex and loud heavy metal. I later found that I was bipolar, so it seems that I had even more hurdles than I knew. I just knew that I hurt, profoundly, and that it would kill me sooner or later. I hated my weakness, my imperfection, my sameness and my sexuality. I hated my lack of control, my tendency towards guilty feelings and sadness.

In retrospect, I hated everything that seemed needy or weak, as well as hating my abusers. This allowed all that walks in darkness to feed on me.

It is only by the love of God and the sacrifice of His only begotten Son that I have been able to feel anything but pain and hatred. By allowing God to train me thru the Bible, I now can feel love, see light and have hope. I am truly free, and I don’t have to feel guilt or shame today! YAY!