Out of the Gutter Art

Tag: purpose

  • FLASHBACK RODEO

    FLASHBACK RODEO

    Another Day at the Races

    ¡TRIGGER WARNING! This post deals with domestic violence, physical assault and ptsd flashbacks. Please use discretion!

    Ah, dear husband of mine. How you never leave me. I can remember your last punch like it was yesterday. Dear previous boyfriend; thanks so much for hitting me in the face so hard that you broke the hard contact lenses in both of my eyes. Oh, and for the chipped front tooth.

    Dear Ex-Fiance, the lovely memories of you stalking me never leave. I can still hear your trucks engine idling outside my bedroom window at 4 in the morning. A few weeks later you murdered your Dad, and yourself…

    And dear Husband of mine, how often I still hear your calling me “Stupid Bitch”, and can still feel your knee across my neck as my vision faded to black. I was sure I was dead, and I was glad. I would never again have to see the evil hatred in your eyes… But no, I wasn’t dead, I had six more years to live with you, memories of being stabbed, shot at and beaten unconscious. Oh, the memories…

       But I’m still here, after all this time. I’m alive, and my abusers are not. Maybe some still live, but I am free, and I am strong and I am beautiful.

       My God saved me from all of them.

       So, when the flashbacks come, and come they do…I know to hold on. Hold on tight to my faith. Hold on tight to what I know is real, and turn off the sights and sounds that rise up to try to torment me.

    My God loves me, and has put my feet on level ground. He has given me the priceless gift of a clean conscience, washed clean with the forgiveness purchased thru the life blood of his perfect Son. I am free of the chains of addiction, of abuse, and of my own self-loathing. I am grateful.  And free. Today was a hard day, in that the flashbacks came out to play. For whatever reason I was triggered , for a while.  But this day is over, successfully lived. I can rest me weary eyes and start fresh tomorrow…

    Head in the Clouds c. SusanTMartin2023

       I thank God for relieving me of the abusers, the abuse,  the sickness of thinking I deserved the terrible mistreatment I endured.

       It is a good feeling to care about myself…

    It has been a long road, including years of therapy and hard work.

       I hope I can help others find the courage to heal.

      

      

  • Many Moons: A New One Rises

    Many Moons: A New One Rises

    Sailor’s Delight, c. STMartin2016
    Blue Sorrow, c.STMartin2016
    Discontent, c.STMartin2016
    Revelation on the Drive #2, c.STMartin2016
    There’s a Bad Moon on the Rise, all images ©STMartin

    Hold on Tight

    This Artist is changeable, like the wind. I dance from one canvas to the next, one substrate to the next in an endless flow of ideas. To stop the flow of creativity is to stop my heart from beating. My Art from beating.

    The Mania GROWS!
    “100 Must-Have Looks”(detail)
    A JOYFUL SOLD CRAB !
    Plant Lady is Ticked!Painted Tart Pan©STMartin2018
    I love Finding these in thrift shops and yard sales, and making them rise from the ashes as new art!
    Mania Illuminata
    Mania Illuminata, sold
    Spring Hearts Jello Mold
    “Mania Illuminata” sold
    KODAK Digital Still Camera
    KODAK Digital Still Camera
    KODAK Digital Still Camera
    Many of My 3-D works from the past 6 Years…All works and images ©STMartin
    A Flashback!
    A Found Concrete Block!
    Munson, a treasured friend, mixed media by s.t. martin
    Stockings,Grocery Bags, Palm Fronds, An Ironing Board!
    Another Cement Block Creation!
    Early 3-D OUTPOURINGS ©STMartin

    Being bipolar causes duality of purpose in me, and in my work. SIMULTANEOUS urgings: High, Low, Sideways, Backwards; Round. And yet , somehow, a cohesive whole is made.

    I AM STRONG TODAY. I AM FREE OF THE BAGGAGE OF MY PAST TODAY.

    I RUN UNDER A SAILING SKY, WILD-EYED and BREATHLESS… there IS a way forward for me… I WILL FIND IT. MY ARTISTIC VISION WILL NOT BE DENIED. I AM GOING TO MAKE PUBLIC RECYCLED METAL SCULPTURE. IT WILL BE IN PARKS AND GARDENS, IT WILL CELEBRATE THIS GLORIOUS ACT OF LIVING.

    Back when I was a semi-pro pool player I had a mantra, because I was a clinch player. I came back when I was down, and that can demoralize an opponent, when you can beat them. But it wasn’t about that, not for me. It was staying in the game, never quitting, never saying ‘die’.

    This quote has been attributed to many, so I will attribute it to an anonymous kindred spirit:

    “It’s not the dog in the fight; It’s the fight in the dog.”

    I have tried to associate myself with the local metal sculptors here in St. Pete, I have offered my labor free, begged for apprenticeships, offered to be the coffee runner, the shop cleaner, the grinder… I’ve been here 4 years now, and I feel choked and thwarted.

    I know I’m older, I know I’m a woman, I know I’ve got marks against me as someone with “disabilities”. BUT I’M STILL HERE, AND MY VOICE WILL BE HEARD. What I have to contribute HAS VALUE! I can work most men under the table, even in the shape I’m in. (Ok, I could work my ex-husband under the table, which isn’t sayin’ much cause he was usually loaded!! But I AM a very hard worker…)

    I’m strong as an OX and twice as GOOD LOOKING!!

    So, while I have been quietly seething here in Pine Bay, creating my works on canvas, on board, on paper…. Painting my recycled furniture and selling cute little cat pictures…. THERE is a SHE -TIGER here in this cage…and I have found a way out.

    I am NOT giving up, I am not going anywhere, and I’m certainly NOT GOING QUIETLY!

    So, whether you see me shooting across the sky on the back of a winged Andalusian Stallion, dashing past you in my ‘souped up’ Kia Soul, or building a mind-boggling , solar powered work in a local park, be forewarned…

    THIS OLD DOG HAS A LOT OF FIGHT LEFT…