Out of the Gutter Art

Category: Bipolar Art

  • Round One: Let the Game Begin!

    Round One: Let the Game Begin!

    I Will find the WILL!!

    My Founding Artist painting: The first of my works to be placed in The Ryan Licht Sang Bipolar Foundation’s Permanent Collection!

    Fittingly titled “Crossing the Deleware, Well Aware” it shows my journey from despair and being held back by my past to shedding the overcoat of depression and walking into the sunlight of my artistic future! I based this title on the little “George Washington” Dude lurking down in the bottom center of the painting…See his funny hat?

    My “Doubting Suzie” Ways

    Ok, friends, here’s the deal: I quit working as Frank Strunk III’s intern last week. Why, when I was enjoying learning from him so much? Why, when my mind was blooming open to all kinds of brilliant metal working techniques, and my mind was being blown by his artistic vision?

    “Why in the world would you do that Susan Todd?”, Susan Todd asked Susan Todd.

    I figured out the answer to that yesterday, although the reasons I gave Frank were that

    A. I need to focus on my work I already do, cause it’s what I do. (Huh?)

    B. I am doing a piece about my Dad and I’m an emotional landmine.(Hmmmm….What?)

    C. I have been invited to a big event and need to focus.(Nope.)

    D. Too many scattered efforts make Suzie nuts. (Now THAT makes sense)

    Did I do the right thing? I wasn’t sure, because I really want to make metal art. I’m frequently making impulsive decisions and regretting them. He was generous with his time, his tools, opening his shop, his art and heart to help an emerging artist. And I bailed, just when I was really digging in.

    An Emotional piece about my Dad…Work in Progress. “Dead Men Tell No Tales”©STMartin2022 (started last week!)

    I hate how my Bipolar Disorder makes me run Soooo Hot and then drops me on my doubtful butt. But it did, and here I am. Have I done what I said I was going to do? Well, yes. Yes I have. So that is good, I really have benefited from focusing on less! I have finished one of the pieces for the new INSIGHTS V call and started 2 more. I entered the Art of Possibilities Show in Missouri with 3 works, and finished 2 Grant applications plus am working on a third. And this third one is a doozy.

    THE IMAGES ABOVE are of ‘THE DREAMING FOREST’ ©STMartin2022 (A New Work!)

    I didn’t get the last three I applied for, but I’m getting better all the time at writing them. This new one I am having trouble writing, but that is ok. I AM REACHING OUT!! Oh, and I finished my Art Business course that the St Pete Arts Alliance gave me a scholarship for!

    So, have I been working, and trying and FIGHTING for myself?

    Yes! YES!! YES!!!! Making connections and forging ahead, breaking new ground in new and exciting directions. Learning new marketing skills and remembering old ones I had forgotten. Benefiting from taking little risks and meeting new artists.

    Now that I have written this I am astounded at all I have accomplished in the past 2 months. I really am a creative Powerhouse! Cutting thru the choppy waters like a PRO! Go Suzie, Go Suzie!

    There is NO limit on my creative potential! I can SOAR! Look at me go!!

    one of my commissions from 2021
  • Will You Forgive Me?

    Will You Forgive Me?

    I don’t know if I can…

    Self Portrait 2014©SusanToddMartin

    Here I am again, laying on ‘the sick bed’. It’s my forlorn couch, a relic from the 70’s (in the most excellent and outrageous fabric one could ever hope to find) but alas, my dying body is taxing her. I say dying, and in a literal sense it’s true, in that all things living begin dying at birth, but that’s not my meaning here.

    Where did this Skinny Young woman go? Why was she angry? Why wasn’t she jumping for joy in that Young body?

    I say my body is dying, but it’s immobility, as in the ‘death’ of energy, ambition, drive to do, see, create. Creative death. Self inflicted wound. Very deliberate. I knew when I dragged myself out of bed that I would do nothing but suffer today. Even when an opportunity for joy arose, I quashed it.

    Susan Past ©STM2018

    . I know exactly the game afoot, I know full well the grant application that awaits my attention. I know that I have a good project in mind- I even laid some initial groundwork out. Did these things help me keep my momentum going? Well…no.

    kind of cool photo…but I’m still having my pity party so I can’t enjoy it.

    No! I’m still going to sit in this bucket of my own $#@% until I nearly miss the deadline, then I will run at the goal full tilt with sweat and tears flying off of me. In this process I will flay myself alive, peeling off each layer to offer up to the powers that be, showing them the very essence of me, turning this way , then that, to reveal my facets.

    Me, Drowning in my own effluence…(Reaching Out©STMartin2017)

    Why do I do this? Lay in ambush for my own success? I have asked too many times and found only euphemisms. So today I quit asking. Today I start

    FIGHTING.

    One of the many versions of The Sentinel’s Prayer©SusanTMartin2018

    I made myself get up, clean up, walk the dog, eat and finish a painting. I still have some fight left in me!!!

  • A GREAT Motivator…

    A GREAT Motivator…

    “Who can it be?”

    It is the white hot lead that throbbed in my spine last night. Coloring every second of every hour a bloody shade of red. The red from my bitten lip, the red of my sleepless eyes.

    no more pain, indeed…(detail, Flashback 937©STMartin2019)

    Why last night, when I’d been doing so well- doing so much so well ? Hmmm…let’s see….let us analyze:

    Saturday: Ride horse.

    Yup. There ya go, Dopey.

    So now I am lying on a frozen bag of broccoli, contemplating a pain pill, contemplating calling an ambulance and wishing I had a gallon of chocolate ice cream and a liter of scotch. I haven’t had a drink in 21 years…but I gotta say, oblivion has a certain appeal right now.

    And doesn’t it just figure that when I’m hittin’ on all cylinders in my art business; applying for grants, apprenticing to a famous sculptor, putting in bids on murals, putting paintings in shows and working on another-BRAINSTORMING MY BIPOLAR ” HEAD OFF-this, this is the week I decide to ride a horse.

    Well, it’s just another day in the life. I wish I could avoid these conundrums, but that’s just not me. (on a side note, I just noticed that when you hit ‘bold’ and ‘italicize’ even the period dot gets bold. Ooooo….)

    Any hoo… I guess that’s all for now. I have another grant opportunity I have to finish applying for by this Saturday, and tomorrow I go to the metal shop, so I better try to rest and see if I can walk in the a.m. Oh, wait, maybe I’ll look outside for a hippo to wrestle first! Sheesh!

    (all that being said, I am creating a bunch of awesome art right now!)

    KODAK Digital Still Camera
    KODAK Digital Still Camera
  • What it all Means

    What it all Means

    Seeking Deeper Meaning in my life, thru my Art:

    I’m faced with this question. Making a statement about my art, who I am as an artist. What do I want people to feel? Do I want them to feel?

    Ok, here’s something I can bite into…

    The Commute ©STMartin2022
    1. Yes, I want to evoke emotion. I want my art to stir feelings, awaken buried longings. I want you to identify with the people in my artwork, see something of yourself.
    2. I’ve tried so hard to reach others close to me, people who should have supported me in my trials. Who turned their back on me. I have tried to explain myself, given access to my thought processes in the hopes that some one out there can understand their mother, sister, daughter. Understand that those of us touched by this fire didn’t ask to be different.
    3. Expand reality. Allow the viewer to delve into their own psyche…Give them permission to explore their perception of what is ‘normal’. Allow the viewer the chance to explore their entrenched beliefs without ridicule. Give them room to adjust their perceptions in their internal dialogue
  • Many Moons: A New One Rises

    Many Moons: A New One Rises

    Sailor’s Delight, c. STMartin2016
    Blue Sorrow, c.STMartin2016
    Discontent, c.STMartin2016
    Revelation on the Drive #2, c.STMartin2016
    There’s a Bad Moon on the Rise, all images ©STMartin

    Hold on Tight

    This Artist is changeable, like the wind. I dance from one canvas to the next, one substrate to the next in an endless flow of ideas. To stop the flow of creativity is to stop my heart from beating. My Art from beating.

    The Mania GROWS!
    “100 Must-Have Looks”(detail)
    A JOYFUL SOLD CRAB !
    Plant Lady is Ticked!Painted Tart Pan©STMartin2018
    I love Finding these in thrift shops and yard sales, and making them rise from the ashes as new art!
    Mania Illuminata
    Mania Illuminata, sold
    Spring Hearts Jello Mold
    “Mania Illuminata” sold
    KODAK Digital Still Camera
    KODAK Digital Still Camera
    KODAK Digital Still Camera
    Many of My 3-D works from the past 6 Years…All works and images ©STMartin
    A Flashback!
    A Found Concrete Block!
    Munson, a treasured friend, mixed media by s.t. martin
    Stockings,Grocery Bags, Palm Fronds, An Ironing Board!
    Another Cement Block Creation!
    Early 3-D OUTPOURINGS ©STMartin

    Being bipolar causes duality of purpose in me, and in my work. SIMULTANEOUS urgings: High, Low, Sideways, Backwards; Round. And yet , somehow, a cohesive whole is made.

    I AM STRONG TODAY. I AM FREE OF THE BAGGAGE OF MY PAST TODAY.

    I RUN UNDER A SAILING SKY, WILD-EYED and BREATHLESS… there IS a way forward for me… I WILL FIND IT. MY ARTISTIC VISION WILL NOT BE DENIED. I AM GOING TO MAKE PUBLIC RECYCLED METAL SCULPTURE. IT WILL BE IN PARKS AND GARDENS, IT WILL CELEBRATE THIS GLORIOUS ACT OF LIVING.

    Back when I was a semi-pro pool player I had a mantra, because I was a clinch player. I came back when I was down, and that can demoralize an opponent, when you can beat them. But it wasn’t about that, not for me. It was staying in the game, never quitting, never saying ‘die’.

    This quote has been attributed to many, so I will attribute it to an anonymous kindred spirit:

    “It’s not the dog in the fight; It’s the fight in the dog.”

    I have tried to associate myself with the local metal sculptors here in St. Pete, I have offered my labor free, begged for apprenticeships, offered to be the coffee runner, the shop cleaner, the grinder… I’ve been here 4 years now, and I feel choked and thwarted.

    I know I’m older, I know I’m a woman, I know I’ve got marks against me as someone with “disabilities”. BUT I’M STILL HERE, AND MY VOICE WILL BE HEARD. What I have to contribute HAS VALUE! I can work most men under the table, even in the shape I’m in. (Ok, I could work my ex-husband under the table, which isn’t sayin’ much cause he was usually loaded!! But I AM a very hard worker…)

    I’m strong as an OX and twice as GOOD LOOKING!!

    So, while I have been quietly seething here in Pine Bay, creating my works on canvas, on board, on paper…. Painting my recycled furniture and selling cute little cat pictures…. THERE is a SHE -TIGER here in this cage…and I have found a way out.

    I am NOT giving up, I am not going anywhere, and I’m certainly NOT GOING QUIETLY!

    So, whether you see me shooting across the sky on the back of a winged Andalusian Stallion, dashing past you in my ‘souped up’ Kia Soul, or building a mind-boggling , solar powered work in a local park, be forewarned…

    THIS OLD DOG HAS A LOT OF FIGHT LEFT…

  • Gratitude Big

    Gratitude Big

    There aren’t many days like this, so I will hold this one really tight. With both hands. And after the day is done I will fold it up neatly and find a safe place for it in my jewelry box, where I keep my special things. Things I like to take out and hold from time to time. A favorite rock, a marble. A feather from an osprey. Or this special grateful day.

    Chair.

  • How Do I Always Get Here…How Do I Leave?

    How Do I Always Get Here…How Do I Leave?

    The Waterplant, mixed media on canvas by Susan T. Martin(sold)

    The torment of Immobility

    Riding a wave, tall as a mountain, I rush headlong thru my day
One project done, the next begun:
All clarity-no haze.

The transition came, I know not when(wound up on my butt again)
I wandered thru today amazed:
No clarity-just dazed.

When does it happen/Why?
I did not cause it/Did I?

Now huddled under an ocean of covers, immobilized for days
Not project done, not even begun
Just futility-today.

Where do I go to/Why?
I do not cause it/Do I?

I rode a wave, tall as a mountain, rushed headlong into here
The vast Empty, the foreboding, feeling death is very near,

The quiet is not tranquil, the peace turns into fear
Will I find the will to struggle, will my vision ever clear?

I would not wish this on an enemy, nor even onto me
This terrible stuckness, it's inevitability 

Knowing it will leave doesn't help it go
The pros say that will, but they don't really know

I will find my meds, somehow take a few
Sleep a dreamless sleep, tomorrow start anew

Hope against all hope, stagnation soon will end
I will be on top to ride that wave again.

    Riding my wave, tall as a mountain, I run happily and play
One project done, the next begun:
All clarity-No haze...
©SusanTMartin2021allclarity
    “Visionaria”sold
  • A Long Lost Love

    A Long Lost Love

    I love etching. I haven’t done a “real” etching in about 40 years; since high school. We had a brand new state-of-the-art printing press. It had been installed in 1978 and here I was, a couple years later in advanced art classes with the finest teacher I ever had, Mr. O’Hara. At the time I did not think I liked the man, he was always on my case, pushing me and prodding me to expand my horizons. All I wanted to do was get high and draw my trippy burnout monsters. These were the days of Frank Frazetta and Heavy Metal The Movie; my dreams were filled with animation and album covers. But Mr. O’Hara had this printing press. And he intended to make me use it.

    First it was wood cuts. Hmmmm…This was pretty cool. One block, lots of options, different colors, placements and copies! Prints everywhere! I had written a poem about a nuclear holocaust, Mr. O’Hara had us make a book…I was impressed, and so were my Peers and parents. Which was unbelievable, they never turned the TV off long enough to know what color my hair was any given month. (It was many different colors, but not like today. We just had blue/black and red and blonde… I tried them all.) Getting back to the printing press, my curiosity was really piqued. Then we did a lino cut…again, very cool. I was into it now. Then he gave us some history and some homework.

    Etching. Renaissance. Rembrandt. Etching. Albrecht Durer. Zinc Plate etchings. I was enthralled: Oh the detail. The crazy details. It was better than smoking dope! I am so grateful today to have had the chance to be taught by Mr. O’Hara. I have often wished I could contact him and thank him for pushing me. He really cared, and I will always be indebted to him for seeing who I could be.

    yesterday’s piece: Too Soon to Yo Mama (Tucson to Yuma

    These pieces aren’t etchings, they are oil pastel sgrafitto. To me, though, they have the feel of etchings. The tiny lines, intricate detail. Not like a finished etching, but those wonderful moments when you are scratching the eensy-weensy picture onto the plate. I have even gone so far as to ‘etch’ a lamp globe and a mannequin in the past few years! Oh, the long lost love of mine!!

    .